Growing Pains
by FantasticallyFanatical
Summary: Growing up is hard, but some people have more pain to deal with than others. Rachel/Jesse. Shelby is also featured fairly heavily, as are others.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: So, I know I haven't finished _Leading the Way_ yet but I really wanted to do something different, and believe me when I say this is different. This starts in Theatricality and kind of goes non-canon after that. I haven't quite decided what events are going to remain yet; I'll just see what fits in as I go, I guess. The first section is adapted from the actual episode (I own nothing but the keyboard I typed them out on) but the rest is mine. So apologies in advance for typos, grammar and all that jazz. The title comes from a song of the same name, which was featured in TV show Britannia High. It's a pretty little song and I think it kind of suits the story. Lastly, I know this is all a little, well, out there but I really wanted to challenge myself and making this type of plot believable will certainly be that. But either way, let me know what you think and I hope you enjoy!_

**-StB-**

"Honey, you've got to stop sneaking into these rehearsals."

"It's kind of important."

And she's not kidding. When Rachel Berry unbuttons her coat and the small swelling of new maternity is just visible under her t-shirt, Shelby's shocked to say the least. "Oh, dear God."

"My dads can't know." Her eyes look wearied and her voice almost cracks. "I really need a mum right now."

Suddenly, Shelby's faced with being both a grandmother and a mother after having been neither for the past sixteen years. Rachel stands, looking younger than ever, hands limply hanging at her sides.

"Jesse's?" Shelby needs to know, because that would take this way past complicated. Rachel merely shrugs, tears fighting to spill down her fresh-looking face. "Sweetie, you can tell me if it's Jesse's."

She doesn't quite know where this maternal instinct's come from but she's more than thankful for it. She tries to imagine who else Rachel – her _daughter_ – would turn to, and when she draws a blank, she's oddly touched Rachel came to her first.

"If it's not Jesse's, then whose is it? Someone from your school?" Rachel simply shakes her head and clutches her face with her fingers. Shelby moves towards her and takes both of Rachel's hands in her own. "Rachel, I need to know whose baby this is."

"I wouldn't h-have gone with the boys at my school," Rachel shakes her head in despair – she can't understand how she's got here.

"So we can assume it's Jesse's." Shelby sighs and mops her forehead with the back of her hand. This complicates things a little bit to say the least. "Look, I know it's kind of embarrassing, talking about this with your mom, who's only just come into your life but-"

"It's not that," Rachel's weary and teary and everything in between. "I don't even remember losing my.." She trails off because it's painful to remember, or not remember in her case. Because it's true, she doesn't even know when they could possibly have done it but they must have, because there's no way it could be anyone's at Glee. Or so she hopes.

"Okay," Shelby pulls her broken daughter in for a tight embrace, whispering words she thought she'd never say, to a young girl she thought she'd never get to say them to. "I'll sort this, don't you worry. But in the morning. I want you to text your dads and tell them you're staying at a friend's house tonight. It'll only complicate things to tell them you're staying with me."

Rachel obliges quietly, save the odd sob, and lets Shelby direct her to the car. The journey is silent as Rachel keeps her hands as far away from her stomach as she can - the less she touches it, the less she thinks about it. When they get to Shelby's flat, it's a lot smaller than Rachel had imagined and she's surprised to see only one bed. Shelby tells her she'll take the sofa but as they both lay on the bed talking, before long they drop off beside each other and come morning, they're both glad of the support.

Rachel's no longer crying and Shelby's more assertive, setting out a outfit for Rachel and making them both breakfast. It's so domesticated and so unlike Shelby but in a way, she kind of feels like she's missed out on all this and that's why she's determined to make up for it now.

"Are you going to be alright to go to school, Rachel?" The concern is evident and Rachel nods, her lips pressed together tightly as she feigns a smile. "Do you want to come back here afterwards?"

Rachel contemplates the offer and decides that yes, she would want to indeed. Facing her dads requires a type of strength that she doesn't feel she has yet and in some ways, Rachel hopes it'll help to be with someone who's been through exactly what she's going through now. Shelby smiles as Rachel agrees and drives her to school, dropping her off just outside to lessen the risk of unwanted passersby probing into their lives.

"I'll see you tonight, okay?" Shelby waits for Rachel to nod before driving to go and meet the boy she needs answers from. Rachel might not be willing to talk to him, but as her mother and his coach, she wants more than explanations from Jesse St James.

**-StB-**

"Rachel, that outfit is past vintage. Where, exactly, did you get it from?" Kurt's eyes glimmer as he skims her up and down and Rachel exhales softly, hoping the baby bump cannot be seen.

"In an old box in a cupboard." It's not entirely untrue. "My dads had a bit of a late night and put the colours in with the whites. Most of my clothes are ruined but we managed to salvage these from the back of my wardrobe."

The rest is such a lie but Kurt's too busy pursing his lips and planning ways to maximise such an outfit. She dares a smile as it becomes clear the baby bump shall remain non-existent, at least to the rest of New Directions. And with that, her entire persona undergoes a make over and she's basically back to being Rachel Berry and the baby is nothing more than a memory, a dream. Because if they don't know, she can then pretend it's not happening either and that suits her just fine.

She gets a text from Shelby to say she's going to be a little late and that she'll pick her up from school. So Rachel preoccupies herself at the piano, playing soft scales to herself and singing a song that sounds oddly like a lullaby. She decides, subsequently, that the piano is not on her side – along with everyone else – but she finds her hands instinctively resting on her stomach for the first time today. Gingerly lifting her shirt, she stands in front of a glass reflection and she feels slightly nauseous when she thinks that she's got a whole new life growing inside of her.

And her nausea rises when someone stumbles into the room, and then grows further when that someone isn't Shelby.

"Dude, are you like pregnant?" Puck's voice the one she least expects to hear and when she does hear his words, the wind is well and truly blown from within her. So much for keeping it a secret. He rubs the back of his head and tries to clear his throat. "Do you want me to go?"

"No," she breathes quietly; she knows she's never alone now she's got the baby to deal with, but having someone else there always makes her feel that little bit better.

"No, you're not pregnant? Or like, no you don't want me to go?"

"You can stay," she manages a smile, one which he returns. She's not going to confirm or deny the pregnancy, not yet, but she covers up her bump and smoothes down the fabric. They sit and talk about nonsense for a while and eventually Shelby's car pulls up outside. When she tells him her ride's here, he hugs her which surprises them both and then finds his phone under the chairs at the back. That's the only reason he came but now, he's kind of glad he did.

When Rachel gets in the car, Shelby looks apprehensive. "I spoke to Jesse today."

**-StB-**

"Jesse? A word, please." Jesse struts over and for once, Shelby's not impressed with his arrogance. "I want to know what's been going between you and my daughter."

"Well you would know, it was you who sent me after her." He's smug and belittling and she almost thinks he doesn't deserve to know what she has to tell him.

"Jesse, you have taken things too far, do you hear me? Too far." Her face is stony and he's finally silenced.

"Look, I'm coming back to VA, just like you wanted. And it is," she watches him choose his words carefully, "Regrettable that we'll have to split because honestly, I really liked her."

"Yeah, I can tell." Shelby laughs dryly and Jesse begins to look a little sheepish. "Liked her enough to get her pregnant, right?"

Jesse's show face finally slips and when he searches Shelby's eyes and gets nothing in reply, he has enough intuition to realise there's at least some truth in what she's saying.

"She's pregnant, Jesse, and do you know the worst thing? She doesn't even remember." Shelby finds herself just a little bit chocked up, but she presses her fingers to her lips and regains her composure. She's nothing if not professional. "What did you do to her?"

"I didn't rape her, if that's what you're getting at." His face is pale and his hands a little sweaty; this is not going to look food whatever way he tells it.

"No? Well thank goodness for that Jesse. That makes everything just _perfect_." She doesn't quite know why she's taking everything out on this teenage boy in front of her, but right now he's the only one she can blame (because she'll be damned if she blames her own daughter.)

"She didn't say no!" He's angry and upset and a little bit emotional, eyes blazing and arms rigid and static.

"But did she say yes?" Shelby presses him because she desperately needs to know, and it's clear the situation is getting to the both of them.

"I-"

"_Jesse_. Just tell me the truth."

"Look, I was a little drunk, she was a little high, things just happened."

"You let my daughter get high? Jesse, she was the perfect kid before you got a hold on her. How did you let her get high?"

"We were just at some party, there were drugs in the food, she must have eaten some without knowing. And then we went back to mine, it was empty and we-"

He tries to recall exactly what happened that night but the most part remains a blur.

-StB-

"Rachel, come _on_! Listen, we'll be here an hour. 2 hours tops, I promise." His grin can always convince her to do anything and he knows it's bad that he has this much power over someone so easily influenced, but he can't seem to release it.

"And then we'll go home?"

"Yes," Jesse laughs, placing a kiss on her lips with his hands on her cheeks. "Then we'll go home."

It wouldn't have been so bad has Jesse not left her by herself as he mingled with his men (and women, but Rachel pretends she doesn't see them.) So out of pure boredom Rachel ventures into the kitchen and pours herself a drink. She tells herself one won't harm – it's Friday night, she has two full days to recover before Glee Club on Monday and besides, it's not like Finn and Puck haven't drunk before and _their_ voices are fine. It's a weak argument and she knows it, but she's already looking like an outcast and as much as she wants to save her own voice, she finds herself wanting to impress Jesse more. And that's when she should have realised that everything was wrong – she was putting this boy before herself in ways she never would have before. But now, what he thought and what others thought of him was taking priority in her life and not even the upcoming regionals could deter her.

Sighing, she takes a cookie off the side and wards off leering stares from numerous seniors who literally make her skin crawl. She can't quite put her finger on it, but something in what she's just eaten is making her feel different but she blames it on the alcohol she's consumed and decides a glass of water (and one more cookie) is the best solution. That is until Jesse finds her and sees her struggling to walk in a straight line, and suddenly he becomes a whole different person, sweeping a possessive arm around her waist and ushering her out the house. He knows what those boys are like (he's been one) and he's not having their lecherous stares degrade his girl. So he hails a cab and takes them back to his place, and it's an innocent enough move because he can hardly send her back to her dads in this state. He fumbles for her phone as she rubs her eyes and types out a message to her dads, deciding to opt for half the truth.

_To Rachel's dads, it's Jesse here and I just wanted to let you know that Rachel will be spending the night in our guest room. The show I took her to see went on later than anticipated and she's fallen asleep in the taxi. My house is closer and my parents have said it's fine. She will call you in the morning. _

He's impressed he's warbled off such a message given the amount he's consumed and even more surprised when he manages to carry Rachel up to his room, sustaining neither of them with any long-lasting injuries. He lays her on the bed where she lifts her top over her head and throws it to the floor. She's sweating a great deal and as he feels her head, he realises she's far too hot to be comfortable. So he fetches them both a glass of water, opens his window and lights a few candles. And then it dawns on him; he has Rachel Berry in her bra lying on his bed. And as she lies looking up at him, her eyes wide and a little bit tipsy, he realises something he never wanted to know. He thinks he's in love with her.

So he lies down beside her and she rolls on her side to face him, letting him kiss her gently and letting his hand roam a little too high under her skirt. But she has no energy to stop him and no desire to either, so when she realises he's dressed down to his underwear and that she somehow has too, she feels giddy with excitement and trepidation and something in between.

And as he climbs on top of her body and kisses the side of her neck, he whispers something into her ear that he'll never tell her when she's sober, mainly because he's scared she won't say it back. And Jesse can't be seen to be losing his show face over some girl (even if, right now, she's the most important girl in his world.)

"I love you," he tells her quietly and she lets out a soft giggle, the wind providing a gentle breeze which blows out the candles just as he removes the final barrier between them. They move as one in the stillness of the night and those three words float around the room on a cloud of ecstasy that embodies them both.

When she awakes the next morning, she can't remember a thing but Jesse? He's been replaying it in his head over and over and when he kisses her good morning, he finds an odd tingle in his stomach replacing the usual feeling of nausea he gets after a night out. He doesn't ask her if she remembers, but the way she kisses him good morning tells him she does. But he's wrong, she doesn't.

-StB-

"Okay, okay." Shelby quietens him with her hands – she doesn't want to know the details of how her daughter got pregnant, it's already bad enough that she is. "God, haven't you heard of protection?"

"Shelby, I don't really feel comfortable talking about this with you." Jesse – for the first time in his life – looks incredibly awkward. And it's possibly the only look he can't pull of well.

"Oh, would you prefer to talk it through with her dads?" Horror strikes his face and Shelby smarts a face of mixed smugness and authority. "No, I thought not. Look Jesse, do me a favour? Don't tell her I've told you, not yet. And give her a bit of space; she's got to get her head around this."

"Yeah, well so have I." He storms out; slinging his bag on his back as he goes and Shelby is left alone, wondering how on earth she's going to sort this mess out.

**-StB-**

"Oh." Rachel doesn't quite know what else to say in response.

"I know that is was your place to tell him but I just-" Shelby presses her thumbs and forefingers to her forehead and closes her eyes. "I needed to get some answers out of him."

Rachel nods her head: she'd like some answers too, but more than anything, she just wants to sleep so she remains silent and lets Shelby drive them home. Shelby brings Rachel a hot drink in bed and watches her fall asleep, wishing she hadn't missed out on so much and wondering whether she can make up for it now. Rachel's come to her but Shelby's not sure she can meet her expectations. And she'll never admit it, but she's just as scared as Rachel is.

**-StB-**

"Morning," Shelby smiles as Rachel takes a seat at the table, hands firmly attached to the table and as far away from the baby as possible. Rachel still can't quite believe she's walking into her mother's kitchen and sitting opposite her as if they've been in each other's lives forever. But then again, she's pregnant with Jesse's baby – it seems her life is more than just make-believe, it's a total fantasy. Rachel doesn't reply, but offers Shelby a genuine smile – the first she's shown in days, so they're both aware progress has been made. "Honey, you know you can't stay here forever, right?"

"You mean I have to tell my dads soon." That's exactly what Shelby means. In truth, she wouldn't mind Rachel staying but there are rules and responsibilities and all the things she doesn't want to think about, but has to, for everyone's sakes.

"They're going to wonder what's going on, Rachel. We can't keep them in the dark for much longer; it's going to become obvious sooner or later." Later, much later, Rachel hopes. Up until now, they're being led to believe she's staying with Quinn for the week, to help her prepare for her upcoming pregnancy. It's a mixture of truth and lies and with the added input of daily phone conversations, her dads are none the wiser to the reality of the situation.

"I know." And she does know, she just doesn't want to accept it. Not yet. Shelby checks the clock and makes a dash.

"I'll see you tonight – we'll talk about this later." Another broken promise, Rachel decides. It seems her life is full of them.

**-StB-**

"Jesse, I want you to sit out for this."

"Shelby, I'm fine." Addressing her as Shelby is far from fine. And Jesse knows it.

"Jesse, I'm the boss here. You're slacking, you're off-key, and you're sweating far too much this early on in rehearsal: this is for your own good. Now sit out."

He hasn't got the energy to argue – after less than two hours sleep and after more than 40 written out and then deleted text messages, Jesse's show face is slowing by the minute. Scowling, he leaves the stage and ascends the stairs to sit a few rows behind Shelby.

"And yes, Jesse, I can see the faces you're pulling behind my head."

"Good." He's being purposefully childish and difficult, but he wants to make someone else suffer the guilt and the pain he's suffering now.

"Right, since Jesse's decided to go back to kindergarten, the rest of you are excused – until tomorrow morning, where we'll be having pre-school rehearsals." She ignores the groans emerging from the stage and merely raises an eyebrow – they're clever enough not to mess with Shelby at the best of times and this is definitely not one of them.

Jesse bites of a bit of plastic with so much anger Shelby hesitates to talk to him but her prowess wins over and his eyes flicker up to meet hers – he wants to hear what she has to say.

"How's Rachel?"

"Hurting," Shelby replies simply but she can tell from his face that Jesse's not coping too well either. "But she's coping. You?"

Jesse scoffs and looks away – it's too hard to explain how he's feeling and talking about it won't make a difference anyway.

"Jesse, you have _got_ to grow up and I'm sorry, but growing up means you've got to actually converse with other people. Namely me, the grandmother of your child." Shelby takes a moment to register the full impact of those words. "I'm so getting fired after we win regionals."

"So we're still going?"

"What, even though you were crap today and my daughter's pregnant? Yeah, we're still going." Shelby's a lot of a things but a failure she is not, and she's determined her kids – her Vocal Adrenaline kids – aren't going to be either. She's hiding a smirk but her eyes are still playful and Jesse manages a smile – that's one from each of them now.

"Do you think she'll still go?" It hurts him to even say her name, but the way he's just spoke sounds so impersonal it pains him even more. Shelby shrugs and it's obvious the thought's crossed her own mind more than once.

"I don't know. I mean, it's up to her but-"

"You don't think she should do it?"

"No, I think she should do whatever feels best for her." Jesse doesn't know when Shelby became so responsible but it certainly suits her. "And whatever she chooses, I'll respect that decision."

And the way she looks at Jesse tells him exactly what she's suggesting: _I think you should too._ And then she leaves him because she wants to be early to pick up Rachel - she needs to finish their conversation from earlier, even if Rachel's tactically good at avoiding it.

And also very talented at avoiding her, Shelby discovers, when she arrives to find Rachel hasn't been at school all day. Her first instinct is to panic, which she does surprisingly well. She rings Rachel's phone with no such luck (Rachel's left it the flat) and, after bypassing her fathers, rings Jesse as her next port of call.

"No offence, Ms Corcoran, but-" He's had his fair share of grief already today and he's not sure how much more he can take.

"Have you seen Rachel?" The distress in her voice leads him to his feet before he can reply.

"No, I haven't. Why? Is she okay?"

"You are telling me truth, aren't you St James? Because this is not the time for your little games. If she's with you, just tell me."

"Shelby, she's not with me." Shelby's heart sinks – she now has no idea where Rachel is.

"Oh God," Shelby's voice almost (just almost) cracks down the strained phone line and although she's felt loss before, nothing compares to what she's feeling now. It tears at her heart and her blood and her veins and she can't even think straight any more. "She could be anywhere."

"Look, I know a few places where she might be. I'll check them out and ring you if I find her." He'd like to think he knows where she might be, but it saddens him that he doesn't know her well enough to know where she'd go. And it saddens him even further that she doesn't feel she can come to him. But then again, if Jesse was Rachel, he probably wouldn't come him either. But he takes off into the rain, hood pulled up over his head and hands thrust deep into his pockets. He (arrogantly) searches all of their favourite places and previous dates and of course finds no sign of Rachel. Given her situation, Jesse can understand her desire to be as far away from all of them as possible.

An hour – maybe two – and seven phone calls later, he's still no closer to finding Rachel and it seems neither is Shelby. He contemplates giving up, but this has bypassed whatever feelings he may be experiencing – Rachel's been missing an entire day and one way or another, she needs to be found. But maybe not by him, he decides, after another gruelling hour of trudging through the rain and another phone call from Shelby informing him the police are now involved. He's being made to feel unnecessary yet again, so Jesse begrudgingly makes his way back home but just as he begins the long walk back, a tiny figure cramped under a nearby climbing frame catches his eye. His hood flies back off his head and drops of rain fall from his eyes as he runs to where the figure is curled up on the floor, their knees crushed to their chest and head facing the floor.

"Rachel? Is that you?" He shouts across the road, no longer caring about the puddles under the soles of his feet or the way his hair sticks to his head. She hears her name and looks up, only to find Jesse already crouching beside her and pulling her out from under the wooden rods and into his arms. And it is only now, with the rain cascading down her face, that Rachel allows herself to cry because apart from the sobs giving her away, the rain masks any evidence of her crying. He knows he should ring Shelby and let her know Rachel's safe but the way she clings to him makes him so very reluctant to let her go. In this moment alone, he realises he never wants to let her go. Her face is pressed against his shoulder and he unzips his jacket and wraps either side around her body. Her make up has run, her hair is wet through and her skin is so cold it's almost painful to touch, but he still holds her close and rubs her back, feeling oddly faint when her realises their baby is somewhere in between them. It's barely noticeable but as he pulls her in closer, he's more than aware that her stomach – her baby filled stomach – is being pressed against his. He holds her so tight he's a little worried he's going to squeeze the life out her but she doesn't seem to be resisting so continues to do so, closing his eyes and letting the rain wash away his sins. Their peace is soon interrupted with sirens and car tyres as four pull up around the park and seven figures come running towards them. Jesse can tell one of them is Shelby from the way her heels hit the floor at such a rapid pace. Jesse reluctantly opens his eyes and attempts to let Rachel go but he feels two little hands grab on to his t shirt and he instinctively wraps his arms around her again, shaking his head at Shelby and the officers accompanying her. Shelby bites her lip but nods and informs the officers that Rachel's been found and that she's fine and that they can handle things from here. She feels a little bit sidelined and she can't lie and say it doesn't sting, but Rachel is safe and that should be all that matters.

As the three of them are left in a soothing silence, Jesse reluctantly releases Rachel and pushes her into Shelby's arms, running off into the distance before either female can protest. He runs so fast he doesn't even hear Rachel croak his name but Shelby hears and pulls Rachel's wet body in tight.

"I've been so worried," she gasps, wondering how earth she managed to give this girl away in the past – it just proves to her that she's no longer that woman she once was, and she's glad. "You're going to catch your death. Come on, let's get you home."

Rachel doesn't object and finds herself dropping into a peaceful sleep in the car journey home. It's a shame to wake her because Shelby notices this is the first time Rachel hasn't tossed and turned and murmured through her slumber. But she's also aware that sleeping in a car – no matter how plush – is not good for anyone, so she rubs Rachel's arm which is still a little wet from the rain and quickly ushers her inside.

They have soup for dinner after Rachel's dried out, sat in front of a dimly lit fire and Rachel's a little surprised when her phone begins to ring. She's aware she hasn't spoken to her dads yet today, but she sent them a good morning message and hoped that would be enough. But it's not her dads who are ringing, it's Quinn and for a second, Rachel's horrified that her secret might already have got out, courtesy of Puck. But after weighing up his conscious (and almost missing the call altogether) she decides he's not the type to just blurt something this heavy out. He's a self-titled badass but he's still a human too who, more importantly, has suffered the same feelings she's experiencing right now. So she answers the phone and Shelby busies herself packing stuff away; the two of them will talk later.

"Quinn? I think you might have the wrong number."

"No, Berry, it's you I want to talk to. You weren't in school today."

"You noticed?" Rachel guesses her usual persona is pretty hard not to.

"Rachel, you practically _are_ glee club. Of course we noticed." It's not meant as a compliment, Quinn's voice makes that clear, but Rachel intends to take it as one anyway. "Look, don't tell anyone I'm ringing you because that makes me seem desperate, which I'm not by the way, I'm just fed up of all this goddamn baby talk, you know?"

Rachel knows completely.

"And so when you were off school, I figured you'd have some big, melodramatic reason that would no doubt brighten up my evening." There's a moment, just a beat, where Rachel actually contemplates telling Quinn everything. Because although Shelby's doing better than Rachel could ever have expected, she can't help her on the whole 'telling the parent's' front. "So come on, spill."

Rachel's put on the spot and cannot think of anything that would substitute a day off, which Quinn would believe. So she revisits that beat, that moment of contemplation and decides that she's going to go for the truth.

"Quinn, what I'm about to tell you can go no further that your ears. It's of the utmost importance that you tell no one."

"Like I said, melodramatic." But Rachel takes assurance that Quinn will oblige. And if not, Rachel knows people are more likely to believe her than Quinn, particularly after she lied about _her_ baby's father, so if the worst comes to the worst, she'll just deny this phone call ever happened. "Berry, don't keep me waiting. This baby's making me wait an entire nine months before I can get my life back, I can't deal with anymore waiting."

Rachel inhales deeply and Shelby watches from the kitchen, resting her elbows on the desktop. Rachel looks more like she's meditating than talking on the phone and Shelby smiles because the similarities between them really are incredible.

"Quinn, I'm trusting you with my life here because this is something big. And I don't mean spying on Vocal Adrenaline behind Mr Schue's back big." Shelby can't help but grin at this, but Rachel's too engrossed in the conversation to notice.

"Build it up, much?" Quinn's impatient but eager with it. Rachel takes one more deep breath and swallows.

"Quinn, I'm-" Rachel's phone beeps and the battery goes dead. She hasn't charged it since arriving at Shelby's and it's been ringing non-stop since early afternoon after Shelby discovered Rachel hadn't been at school. Rachel stares at the phone in a midst of confusion and proceeds to place it on her leg and just stare at it, as if she expects it to just magically come back to life. She's not sure if it's a blessing or a curse that she hasn't just told Quinn, but before she can decide either way, Shelby's standing in front her.

"I think we need to talk." And finally Shelby gets Rachel to talk and it's a real bonding moment for the both of them. Rachel explains why she just couldn't face the kids at school, especially now Puck knows about the pregnancy and Shelby tells her how she made Jesse sit out in rehearsals and they laugh at how immature he really can be. They discuss how Rachel's going to tell her fathers and whether she's going to tell everyone else at school too and then, just before bed, they discuss Barbra Streisand because they both need something nice to think of just before they sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Firstly, sorry for not getting round to replying to everyone's review – I've been away on holiday but I'm now back and will hopefully get round to it asap! Also, said holiday is the reason for the lack of updates but I should be getting back into the swing of it soon and hopefully it won't be so long for the next chapter. _

_This is a little shorter than the first chapter but I hope it's alright. And as always, read, review and enjoy (if you can!)_

**-StB-**

"Thank you, for _everything_." She embraces Shelby so tight Shelby struggles to breath and although it's not a proper goodbye (she's only moving back in with her dads) Shelby still feels like she's giving up her daughter (again.)

"You are _more_ than welcome," Shelby replies warmly, a glossy pair of eyes to boot. "And if you ever want a time out, my flat is always open."

Rachel takes great comfort in knowing this and finally releases her mother before walking into school. She's instantly greeted by Kurt who again is impressed with her outfit. And everything feels so normal, so typical - apart from Kurt's appreciation – that Rachel quickly slots into her average day, forgetting the baby even exists. Because if she had the choice, it wouldn't exist at all.

"Hey Rach, are you okay?" She can't mistake Finn's voice echoing down the corridor but before he reaches her he accidentally knocks someone's books to the floor. Rachel turns to see Finn scrambling on the floor and it makes her smile because he really is one of the last romantics (albeit one who could use a few life lessons first.) She bends down to help pick up the books, noticing the guy who the books belong to makes no effort to do so, but before she manages to grab any, Puck flies into action and lifts her to her feet before she can even lift a finger.

"You shouldn't be doing that," he informs her and Rachel bats his hand away from her side. Finn hands over the remaining books to the boy, who stalks off displaying the worst pair of ankle swingers known to man. (Rachel's pretty sure Puck's going to dump him in the garbage for it later.) Finn then looks to Rachel, his usual face of confusion evident and she turns her back directly on Puck to assure Finn she's fine.

"Noah here is under the impression that when a girl gets a stomach bug, they become incapable of simple tasks such as picking up books, just because when you guys get man flu, you tell yourself you're pretty much knocking on death's door." Finn's still just as confused and Rachel learns that 'I'm fine' would probably have sufficed.

"So, you're better now?" That's all Finn really wanted to know. Rachel assures him (and Puck) that she is more than fine.

"I'm feeling fine, Finn." Finn laughs and points out how similar Finn and fine sound. Rachel makes an odd sound that's supposed to be a laugh, but never quite makes it. But Finn's already relaying the sentence to Puck (_Dude, I was just there, I heard it too_) and Rachel knows it's a blessing she's able to lie so freely. And an even bigger blessing that Puck actually owns a conscience.

The rest of the school day is no usual to any other, and though she'd have liked a few more well-wishers, the baby is still very much under wraps. And she plans to keep it that way, with extra loose clothing to boot. But then it's time for rehearsal and just as Rachel starts to enjoy the day, Quinn badgers her as soon as she walks in.

"Berry, a word." Quinn drags Rachel out the room and into the now empty corridor. "Puck, tell Mr Schue I had baby pains or something, we'll be along in a minute."

Puck wonders if they're entering into some sort of teen-mother sorority and so agrees without questioning. Quinn raises both eyebrows because it's a little unlike Puck to obey so easily. But she's not going to complain and anyway, that's not the matter in hand.

"Quinn, we're missing vital rehearsal time and whilst you're probably aware I practise every morning and every evening, I still think we should attend rehearsals. You do want to place at regionals, right?" It's a typical Rachel Berry speech but Quinn's no pushover.

"Yes, Rachel, I want to place at regionals. But I also want to know what you were going to tell me last night."

"You pulled me out of rehearsals for that?"

"Oh, would you have rather told me and the rest of the school too?" Quinn's hinting to Santana and Brittany because she was like them once and any sort of secret would be around the school in minute (even one about Rachel.)

"W-who says I'm even going tell you?" The way she's stumbling over her words certainly suggests to Quinn that she has something to tell.

"I thought I was so strong, not telling anyone. Telling myself I could deal with this alone." Quinn points to her growing bump and remembers all too well. "Rachel, you're going to need to confide in someone and although I seriously doubt your situation is going to match mine, at least humour me because I am going _insane_ with my life right now."

Quinn rubs her stomach in a soothing, circular motion and Rachel feels a weird sensation growing in hers that is nothing to do with her baby. And she almost wants to laugh at how wrong Quinn is: Quinn still thinks she's Rachel Berry, the child star-to-be. The perfect girl with the overbearing smile and overwhelming voice.

"I spoke to Jesse the day I was off school." It's comes tumbling out her mouth before she really thinks it through and whilst it's not a total lie, she can already tell Quinn is far from convinced.

"You spoke to Jesse." She repeats the words slowly just to prove to Rachel how stupid she sounded. "That's why you missed school? Rachel, I'm pregnant, not stupid."

"So am I!" Rachel cries out, her eyes suddenly widening of their own accord and she quickly tries to resurrect her perfect life before Quinn catches on and tears it all down. "Stupid, I mean, for visiting him." She tries to get her voice to return to normal and quickly swallows before speaking before Quinn can get a word in. "Not that I think you're stupid Quinn. In fact, I think you're brave, really brave and though we haven't exactly always seen eye-to-eye, I admire everything you stand for."

"You can stop sucking up now." Although Quinn's grateful for the compliments (not that she'll let Rachel know that) she's now certain Rachel's not telling her everything because she's rambling so far from the subject, it's unreal. "Somehow, I don't think that was what you were going to say last night, was it?"

"God Quinn, you're so – so _hormonal_. I saw Jesse, we ended on a bad note and I couldn't face seeing everyone so I took the day off school." It doesn't even sound like her when she insults Quinn because truthfully, she's not that type of person. But she can't tell Quinn the truth, she just can't, because that means accepting it and Rachel's simply not ready to do that.

"Screw you, Berry." Quinn scoffs and her throat catches just a little bit because although she puts on this tough-girl exterior, she's still a young girl struggling to find her way. "D'you know what? I am stupid, because I actually thought you were different to all the other girls in this goddamned _jail_. But you're just the same as everybody else."

Quinn places a protective hand under her stomach and walks back into the choir room, leaving an emotional Rachel behind. This wasn't how it was supposed to go; Rachel was pushing more and more people away when in truth, she needed them the most. She slides to the floor and just sits there because she really can't face rehearsals now, not after she's just offended Quinn (even though she didn't really mean any of it.) But she can't face her fathers yet either, so the conclusion is made for her: she'll just sit here until she feels able to do otherwise.

She doesn't know how long she's sat there for, but she becomes aware of two figures standing in front of her what feels like hours later.

"Rachel?" One figure crouches beside her and as she finally lifts her head, she realises it's Mr Schue. "Are you okay?"

Rachel's had so many people ask her that yet she still can't answer honestly. So she paints on a smile and nods but Mr Schue's old enough to realise that she's not. And the fact that she missed an entire rehearsal only makes him worry more.

"Rachel, I'm very concerned." Mr Schue's one for wearing his emotions on his face and Rachel is careful not to catch his eyes, because there's something about them that make her want to spill the truth. "I get that you might not want to talk to me about whatever's going on with you right now, but you know where my office is." He signals to the other figure and together they pull Rachel to her feet. "But for now, Puck's offered to give you a ride home and I hope to see you both in rehearsals tomorrow."

He pats her fatherly on the back and she smiles as he salutes the two of them before walking in the opposite direction.

"If I didn't know better, I'd totally say Mr Schue lived in this place." Rachel gives Puck a quizzical look before bypassing the comment completely, a smile edging its way onto her face. Puck might not be good for a lot of things but he's certainly taking her mind off one baby-shaped thing right now and for that, she's grateful. They talk about regionals and Finn and ankle swingers (Rachel was right) and Puck's clever enough not to mention the baby (after the whole episode with Quinn, he can safely say he's now an expert on what to and what not to. And apparently talking about the baby is number one on the 'what not to do' list.) But when they pull up to Rachel's house, her stomach sinks and she hovers in the car.

"Noah, will you apologise to Quinn for me? I said some awful things to her and I didn't even mean them, but I can't face her to tell her myself so – " She stops herself because Puck's eyes are starting to widen at the amount she's expecting him to remember to do. "Just tell Quinn I'm sorry, really sorry."

He assures her he will do, handing her a bottle of orange juice as she leaves. "Quinn drinks a lot of it," he shrugs, "Thought you might like some."

Rachel takes it graciously – Puck _can_ be a gentleman if he tries – and proceeds towards her door. This would be it, the moment she's been dreading. Because she knows her fathers need to know before she can make any sort of final decision on this, and as she watches Puck drive off, Rachel's never felt more alone.

**-StB-**

"Well, say something." She gives a nervous chuckle which abruptly stops as she clocks the solemn faces staring at her.

"I don't really know what you expect us to say, Rachel." One father – Leroy – sighs and enters the kitchen, pouring a glass of water and swilling it down gently. The one speaking remains seated and pats the space beside him. Rachel takes a seat and tears begin to brim as he brings his hands gently to the sides of her face. "We always knew there would come a time when we wouldn't be the most important men in your life; we just didn't think it would be this soon." He manages an awkward smile but Rachel's using all her inner strength not to cry. "We're just glad that you've told us and now we know, we can deal with it step by step."

"Not to mention having to deal with formalities, the-the costs, the judgements from the neighbours!" Leroy's not taking the news half as well and his reaction finally tips Rachel over the edge. The tears slowly fall from her eyes and trail sadly down her cheeks. She stands up, wipes her face and tries to speak but the tears are resilient and aim to scupper her speech with a broken voice and a tear-stained face.

"I'm sorry I've disappointed you," she manages to tell them, swallowing a sob and trying to catch the breaths that are so desperate to escape. But she can relate, because that's all she wants to do: escape, into a world of singing and dancing and life.

Leroy sighs and enters the garden but her other father walks to where she stands and embraces her warmly. "You haven't disappointed us, sweetheart. You could never disappoint me."

Rachel can't help but notice the dig he makes to his partner and though she's angry at her other dad for not understanding how difficult she's finding this, she's even angrier at herself for letting this situation occur in the first place. She hugs her dad tightly because it's such a weight off her chest that they finally know and although she's faced with some of the most adult decisions she'll ever have to make, right now she's just a young girl who needs her father.

When her phone rings she reluctantly releases her father, who gives her a little nudge up the stairs and she can't help but smile as he embarks on a quick style jog on the spot. She takes the hint and takes the stairs two at a time to reach her phone in time. It's Quinn, again, and Rachel's not sure she really wants to have this conversation. But she answers the call regardless and just stands with it next to her ear.

"Rachel, Puck told me you apologised." Rachel hears Quinn sigh exasperatedly before she starts talking again. "And he's convinced me that I should apologise too. So I'm sorry."

It's a reluctant apology on Quinn's behalf and it's not exactly heartfelt but at least they've cleared the air. Rachel wonders if that's all Quinn wanted to say, because she'd really like to have a few moments to herself to actually reflect on everything that's happened. She hasn't had time to really digest it herself because truthfully, she doesn't know how to. This is what happens in overrated teen movies, not to Rachel Berry.

"Puck also told me something else." Rachel's heart leaps into her mouth and each heartbeat clangs against the side of her throat. She feels nauseous and nervous and she hopes that she's wrong about Puck, that he hasn't told Quinn the truth. "Is it true?"

Rachel hears Puck whisper in the background, though she can't quite make it out. Her eyes flutter shut and she has to grip on tightly to her phone with both hands to stop it slipping through her sweaty digits.

"Is what true?" Rachel tries to keep her voice as cool and collected as she can but after the confrontation with her fathers, it's a mean feat.

"Rachel," Quinn breaths softly and she sounds genuinely sympathetic. "Everything you're feeling now, I've felt it. Every possibility you're contemplating, I've already considered it. And as much as it pains me to say it, I'm the closest you're going to get to a friend right now."

Rachel (unusually) can't manage to string together any form of words; instead a sob crackles down the line and it's as much of a confession as Quinn's going to get.

"We're coming over." Quinn disconnects the call before Rachel has a chance to protest (not that she's about to) and so Rachel hovers by her bedroom window, waiting for their car to arrive. Doors are slamming beneath her and she's painfully aware she's causing a rift between her fathers. Leroy had been less than impressed with Rachel's supposed helping out of Quinn and now it's his daughter in the exact same situation he's got to contend with. He drives off just as Puck pulls in and a weary Hiram greets them at the door.

"She's upstairs," he informs them, shaking both their hands upon entry. "Take care of her, will you? Her father's being a little, shall we say _insensitive_ at the moment, but we'll sort it out."

"How is she?" Puck wants to know she's okay because his guns are big, but not big enough to hug four people all at once (it's hard enough hugging Quinn and _her_ baby)

"She's a little shaken, I think. But she'll cope. She's a Berry, it's what we do."

They advance up the stairs and in any other circumstances, Quinn would feel positively nauseous at the number of Rachel Berry's staring down at her as she ascends the steps, one by one. But Quinn's learnt that there's more to life than high school hatred. It's about survival and denial and everything in between.

Rachel's eyes have calmed down but there's the residue of tear tracks down her face. Quinn sighs sadly as Rachel offers the two of them a seat on her bed. Rachel perches on the edge of her desk, unable to keep still for too long. She's still not quite sure this is her reality and she's forever waiting to wake up with a flat stomach and burning smile.

"I never thought it would be like this," Rachel admits and Quinn's quick to relate.

"You're telling me." Quinn shakes her head softly and Rachel feels herself smile at how Puck gazes at Quinn like she's an angel who's invaded his earth. "It's weird; you go on this journey from the top of the world to the bottom of the heap and sometimes, you wonder if anyone will be there to catch you when you fall. But then you realise, you've got someone else to catch now and it somehow eases the pain."

Quinn laughs because Rachel looks less than convinced and Quinn can't say she blames her. Quinn shifts on the bed as she feels the baby kick and Puck looks like he's ready to jump into action as Quinn winces with the sensation. It passes quickly and Rachel doesn't think she'll ever be able to get used to such things like Quinn has. It's a totally alien concept to her, a way of life she never even considered she could possibly face. Preparation is Rachel's fall back and she's entering this new path of life without an ounce of it.

"Do you know what you're going to do?" Quinn guesses it's a little early on to be asking Rachel these types of questions, but the time won't last forever and Quinn knows only too well that these decisions are heartbreaking enough having fully thought them through. Trying to sweep it away like it's not happening will only make things worse.

"Curl up into a ball and hide for all eternity?" Quinn smiles as she blinks slowly – Rachel's slowly starting to sound like the melodramatic girl she usually is. Rachel manages a brief smile in reply and sighs deeply, thought lines damaging her forehead.

"Rachel, I'm serious." Quinn has the talent of talking so softly it's like Rachel's ears are being dipped in cotton wool. Quinn's face is sympathetic but expectant and Puck looks from Quinn to Rachel in an effort to try and get his head around how these girls manage to be so mature in a situation like this. And he supposes that, deep down, that's where most of his affection for Quinn comes from: his admiration for her. But of course, he wouldn't be Puckzilla if he ever admitted such a thing.

"How can I possibly begin to know what I'm supposed to do in this situation? There's no written handbook, no guidelines, I just – " Rachel pauses because it dawns on her how alone she really will in be making this decision – even with Quinn and her father(s) and Shelby all on her side. "Given that I don't even know how I managed to get _in_ this situation – "

"Well, it usually starts with some hot mama and totally hot dude, and they like – "

"Puck, that's not what Rachel meant." Puck's mouth opens and closes a few more times and Quinn smiles begrudgingly at how much he resembles a goldfish. But she turns to Rachel who's remembered the enormity of what she's just admitted and eyes her warily. "What do you mean you don't know?"

"I don't remember being with Jesse.. ever." She looks so young when she sheepishly admits the truth and Quinn suddenly feels an overwhelming sense of sadness and sympathy. She felt like she had her youth stolen when she found out about her baby, but she knew the risks she was taking that night with Puck. But with Rachel, it's like she's lost so much more.

Puck's on his feet, silently pacing Rachel's carpet and she can't help but tell him to stop because it will seriously damaged her décor if one half of her carpet is more worn than the other. Quinn chuckles softly under her breath as Puck lowers back to the bed, thoughts of how to bring most pain to Jesse flashing across his eyes.

"You do realise you're going to have to talk to him about this, don't you?" Puck scoffs at Quinn's suggestion – he clearly doesn't think Jesse has any right to be involved, but Rachel nods sadly. And then, as if he's somehow aware of what's going on right now, Rachel's phone vibrates with a message beside her bed and Puck chucks it to Rachel, who fails to catch it completely.

"I never was very good at ball sports," she admits and this time Puck laughs because she really would suck at any sort of sport. But if Rachel's baby's a boy, Puck's already decided he'll be the one to teach it the important (sporting) things in life. It's only right – he'll call it a Jewish rite of passage.

Before Rachel even reads the message, she has inkling it's going to be from Jesse. And she's right, of course, when his name pops up on her screen, waiting and waiting to be answered.

_I think we need to talk. _

Rachel breathes in and out slowly and hands the phone to Quinn, who reads the message out to Puck. (She's discovered, through personal experience, that handing a phone to any guy – especially Puck – will only lead to them scouring each and every one of the messages contained in said phone. And she thinks Rachel deserves a bit of privacy for the time being.)

"Well, he has a point," Quinn alerts Rachel, who slowly draws her fingers into tiny, little fists which lay bunched up on her knees.

"I just don't know if I'm ready to face him yet." She doesn't know if she'll ever be ready to face him, not now she knows he's the reason her entire life has been tipped from top to bottom.

"So meet him and find out." Quinn makes everything sound so much simpler than it is, but Rachel's figures she's not got much left to lose anyway.


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: Sorry for the lack of updates – I've been a little busy and a little blocked but it's finally here. This is solely Rachel and Jesse so I hope it's not too drab but as always, read, review and enjoy :)_

**-StB-**

She turns up a little early but the front door's open so she heads straight in and up to his room. She stands silently in the doorway because the sight she's seeing has rendered her speechless. Jesse's stood in front of a full length mirror, with a baby carrier attached to his front. He's trying to clasp the buckles together on his back, but even his arm won't bend in those positions. When he clocks Rachel's face in the mirror, he's desperate to take the (stupid) contraption off and promptly ends up tearing it in two. He sighs and runs an anguished hand through his hair, throwing the two halves to the floor. He hates feeling like this, so helpless, so ignorant because he's Jesse St. James: he should know how to do everything. But he doesn't know how to be a father or a lover, not really, because he's never had a father and truthfully, he's never been loved. (Although Rachel would beg to differ.)

Rachel takes advantage of the moment and stands in front of him, attempting something along the lines of a sympathetic smile. It does little to appease him and she feels a cog in her throat stop moving and suddenly even breathing becomes difficult.

"Your front door was open. I'm sorry, I should have-"

"It's fine." He's curt and blunt and it's not really how he should be speaking to the mother of his child. He shouldn't be speaking to anyone like that.

As first conversations go, Rachel's aware it could have gone a lot worse. It could obviously have gone much better too, but she'll take this for the time being.

"How are you?" She feels she should ask him because everyone's always asking _her_, but she's not the only one who has to come terms with this. He doesn't answer because he's not sure he can escape replying with a completely unnecessary scathing tone, so they remain in silence. Because it's not her fault they're here (it's his, and he's painfully aware) but he has no one else to take his anger out on because he's numb now. So numb.

He knows he should apologise (for the bluntness, for the baby, for everything) but 'I'm sorry' just doesn't seem to suffice. His fists clench into balls as they reside on his thighs and she stands in front of his, fingers wringing behind her back. The silence is not altogether painful, but it's becoming increasingly awkward as the minutes slip by. And then suddenly Jesse speaks, and what he does next Rachel never expected.

"Can I – " He begins to ask a question and moves one hand off his thigh and stretches it towards Rachel, before quickly pulling it back and staring down at the floor. Rachel, however, finds some sort of inner confidence in Jesse's unusual lack of it and she reaches down for his hand and slips it under her jumper and onto her stomach. She's not sure if this was what Jesse was alluding to but when he doesn't resist, she guesses she was right.

He struggles to swallow but Rachel spreads his fingers out on her stomach and keeps her hand lightly pressed on top of his. There's not much to feel, but the rounding of her stomach is starting to become evident. He doesn't need to ask her if the baby's his (because Shelby could have been wrong) but he can tell from her eyes that it's definitely his.

And as they remain in that position, it feels oddly childish and even Jesse can't deny that that's all they are: children, children who've had an overwhelming degree of adulthood thrust upon them in the cruellest way. He doesn't cry, even as the realisation of this life they've created dawns on him, and she doesn't breakdown in his arms and ask him to tell her he loves her. Instead, she removes their hands from her stomach but keeps his hand and encloses it in both of hers. And now she's sure he's not going to reject her, she sits beside him on the bed and instinctively her head rests on his shoulder like they're still just Rachel and Jesse. Only they're not and they can't ignore that fact forever. But for now is good enough for them.

Jesse's surprised at how maturely Rachel seems to be handling this and he can't say he's not glad because he's not sure how he'd have handled this situation otherwise. She shifts her head on his shoulder every so often and his hand squirms in between hers as the silence descends again but they're content to just listen to the sound of their breathing and it's somewhat comforting to the both of them. He wants to ask her if she's okay, if she's told her either of her father's, if she's told the school, what this means for them but he can't quite find his voice so he waits, hoping that she'll make the first move. And it's so unlike him, to be this passive, this submissive but as life's little surprises go, this is not one he'd ever have comprehended.

"I've been doing a lot of thinking," Rachel suddenly tells him and it's a bit of a lie because she has been thinking, only not about the baby. And she hopes, foolishly, that by saying she's thought about it, it will prompt him to do the same and that way he can make the decision for them because she's not sure she can do this.

"About abortion?" Jesse can tell straight away that that's not what Rachel's been thinking about. Her mouth falls open a little and her eyebrows furrow just slightly as she lifts her head off of his shoulder. She pauses a moment, because that's never really crossed her mind but she supposes it's as viable an option as any other.

"Well, no," she admits truthfully because if this is ever going to work – whatever _this_ is seeing as they're not even together any more but simultaneously they're connected in the most powerful way – they still need a relationship built upon truth and trust. Rachel knows that much, if nothing else. Jesse can tell he's made a bit of a blunder because she suddenly loses all trails of thought and is left wondering if his words are a veiled suggestion of what he truly wants. Which it isn't, he doesn't think, he just thought that's what she might have wanted. And he knows that this is where talking about it would really come into good use but the concept is so bizarre he doesn't know quite where to start.

"I don't mean you should have one – I mean, only if you wanted one, I just – " Jesse pauses, sighs and removes his hand from Rachel's to rub his forehead. "We need to do what's best for you," he finishes lamely, because he's plenty aware he's coming across as stupid. Rachel finds herself smiling ever so subtly despite of herself because she's never seen Jesse like this, and she finds it somewhat endearing. He turns to face her and looks her in the eye for the first time since she arrived and each one finds it a little unnerving as to how much they feel like they're revealing without uttering a word.

"We need to do what's best for you too, Jesse." At this, Jesse almost breaks because Rachel – despite her flaws – is always so selfless and it's even worse when it's in opposition to his selfishness. If he hadn't given into to his primal desires that night, they wouldn't be having that conversation. But then again, if he hadn't wanted to impress Shelby, he would never have met Rachel and whilst he can't help but think that might have been for the best because he's brought her nothing but trouble, there's more of him that's grateful she's in his life. He's just not sure she's going to want to stay. She dares a brief smile and he returns one as small, before letting his head fall forwards and his gaze shatter to the floor.

**-StB-**

"It seems too easy," she tells Jesse, with a look of sincerity painted over her youthful features. "To be able to end a life like that. I know it sounds silly but it shouldn't be that easy." The lines on her face prove she's in deep thought about this and she feels heartless even thinking about

"Killing anyone is easy enough, Rachel," Jesse informs her with an air of gravity that almost makes her question whether he's actually done it. But now she knows she's tired because Jesse may be a lot of things, but a killer he is not. "It's the aftermath you have to deal with. The guilt, the pain."

"So abortion's a no," Rachel breathes softly, a little psyched after Jesse's revelation and Jesse nods numbly; he can't kill his own child. They're no further in sorting out this mess of a situation, because Rachel was never going to have an abortion despite what Jesse may or may not have wanted. But they're talking and they're progressing and it's _something_.

"That means we'll have to tell your school," Jesse's trying to deal with this sensibly (to make up for his childish acts that have caused this entire debacle) and though Rachel admires his courage, this type of maturity doesn't suit him. But it's part of his charm that he's man enough to try and she respects him all the more for it. And each time he mentions 'we' instead of 'you' she feels a little less lonely and a little more loved because he's accepted that they're in this together. "And my parents," he adds as an afterthought and Rachel's face falls, just slightly. She had, in the midst of the circumstances, forgotten entirely how this would affect Jesse, apart from the obvious.

"What will they say?" Rachel's starting to sound nervous again, so he places a protective grip over her hands which fumble anxiously in her lap. They settle under his warmth and his thumb absently toys with different areas of skin over her hand.

"Nothing, probably; they don't usually listen to anything unless it's death or money related." It's obviously a sour subject and Rachel knows that should they keep this baby, Jesse will be the best father he can be because he'll be damned if he turns out like his own. "Or they'll hit the roof," he contemplates the better reaction he could expect, because at least hitting the roof will show they actually give a damn about what he does. But he's had enough experience to know not to expect much when it comes to his parents.

At his words, Rachel makes a sound that's something of a cross between a whimper and a cry and Jesse manages a fleeting smile because without even trying, she's every inch the drama queen.

"It'll be '_You've disappointed us again, Jesse', 'We raised you better than this, Jesse'_.Rachel tries not to laugh at his impressions of his parents, but even Jesse manages a soft chuckle and he shakes his head softly, letting his hair dance in the movement. "I can handle them," he adds, moving his hand off of Rachel's as he stands up and stretches. "Are you hungry?"

"Ravenous, actually." She's a little embarrassed to admit it, but Jesse seems a lot more human no and it's almost like nothing's changed between them. Only it has and Rachel's wise enough to know things will never go back to how they were, regardless of what happens next. "It seems the whole idea of eating for two really does come into play. I always thought it was just some silly excuse." He takes her hand and leads her downstairs and she sits and watches him prepare something she's not really that focused on. She's keener to just watch him and she decides in this moment, that if she had to be in this situation with anyone, she'd definitely choose him.

"You're staring," he informs her after a few moments, an eyebrow slightly raised and a playful smile tugging to be released by his lips. But he stays straight faced and she blushes a little in return.

"I was just watching you –" She stops because she's starting to talk before she's thought about what she's going to say (lie), so she quickly adds, "eat. I always find it fascinating how boys eat. Noah was always so messy, you know?"

Jesse covers a snort because Rachel's lies are as dramatic as she is (but part of him is glad she mentioned Puck's name and not Finn's. He doesn't feel threatened by Finn – why would he? He knows Finn's match – but he'd rather Rachel didn't think about him at all. "Staring _and_ lying? Rachel Berry, I'm ashamed of you."

He looks so deadly serious Rachel almost believes him, but he quickly lightens the mood because he knows how the silence can drain his happiness and he doesn't want Rachel to have to suffer that too. He grins and ruffles the top of her hair, which she quickly tries to smooth down to little avail.

"You know that day I found you in the park?" He asks her some moments later.

"Hm?" She pretends she doesn't really know what he's talking about because she's a little embarrassed she broke down like that. That's just not who she is, and even though she knows it's more than acceptable given her situation, she still feels uncomfortable at the memory.

"Did it help?"

"Jesse, you're doing that thing where you don't actually make sense when you talk again." She tries to brush this conversation away (and quickly) but Jesse's as stubborn as she is, so she knows it's pointless.

"Rachel," he only has to say her name in _that_ tone and she gives in. He sounds a little like her fathers' and a little like her Literature teacher (all of whom make her behave astutely.)

"Honestly?" Jesse nods in earnest. "No, it didn't," she admits, "But I didn't know what else to do. Everything had happened so fast and I just needed to get away and I didn't want to see Shelby, or-or you and I – " He places a finger on her lips because she's getting carried away (again) and if he'd wanted a monologue, he'd have asked for one. He just wants to be assured that she's not going to do something like that again, because he's got two people to look after now and one of those people relies wholly on the other. And he feels a little bit helpless knowing that, but he's going to do his utmost to do all he can (because his own father never did.)

**-StB-**

"Are we meant to be picking names yet, or – " He runs a tense hand through his hair because he's so far out his comfort zone, he can hardly remember what it's like to be in it. They're not cuddled up on the sofa like they usually would be; she's perched on a nearby wooden stool, he sits upright in the armchair. "Because Lola's pretty. You know, for a girl. If we keep her – it."

She's not quite sure if he's being serious about this, but the earnest look on his face tells her all she needs to know. And he had invested in a baby carrier but with Jesse, she never really knows.

"I like Lyle for a boy," she tells him sheepishly because it suggests she's been thinking about it, but the way he looks at her in return is enough to send her spiralling out of control. Because with or without the baby, he loves her. He's just scared what that means (for everyone.)

"I could live with Lyle," he grins and there's a hint of his former personality beginning to shine through. "Though Jesse Jnr has a certain ring to it."

"A slightly egotistical ring, certainly." It's the freest conversation they've had in a while, full of frivolity and humour and everything they long to still be. She grins because only Jesse could suggest naming a child after himself and he grins back, because really, what else did she expect? But the grin fades as she clocks the time and it's apparent she should return home to her father(s). "I should go," she admits, standing up and running a nervous finger over her bottom lip. It draws his eyes to her lips and he removes himself from the sofa to come and stand in front of her.

Boy meets girl, eyes meet eyes, lips meet lips.

The kiss is gentle and heart-warming and thoroughly confusing but it puts a little spring in her step as she makes the long journey home. He watches her from the doorstep until he can't see her anymore and the house suddenly feels so much bigger without her (and the baby – his baby) inside.


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Again, thank you for the reviews, alerts and everything – it's keeping me writing even though I'm suffering sever writers block! But I'm hoping that when the Glee box set comes out, I'll get back into it, get my head around the characters again so to speak. Anyway, this chapter is sort of a collection of smaller chapters – or moments – without (hopefully) dragging too much. Anyway, let me know what you think and as always, read and enjoy!_

**-StB-**

_How'd it go with your dads?_

Getting a text from Shelby will never be normal.

_Would I be able to call you? It's not really something that's easily translated over text._

She wonders, as soon as she's sent it, if she's gone too far. These are new boundaries she's pushing, new walls she's got to break down and it feels a little too much too soon.

_Sure. Call me around 8._

Rachel gets a jolt of butterflies in her stomach because she will never get used to this. (Or the baby.) She doesn't reply because she wants to save the talking for later and she assumes Shelby's busy with Vocal Adrenaline rehearsals. And that's when the next bombshell hits. They've got regionals coming up and performing with one pregnant member was bad enough but with two? That's not what Rachel saw coming. Especially the fact that the second expectant member was her; the female lead, the star of the show.

It makes her queasy and traumatic and even less inclined to face the wrath of her fathers. So she sits on her front doorstep because she's got nowhere else to go (except Shelby's, but that'll mean more explaining in the long run and she's not sure she can lie to her father's anymore.) She hasn't even told them who the father is, but she's pretty sure they can gather it's Jesse. Though in some respects, it's worse that it's Jesse because in their eyes, they'll see he's a senior and believe he should know better. They'll claim he took advantage of their little girl, that he can't be trusted. But the truth is, she'd trust him with her life and right now, she's trusting him with so much more.

"Rachel, you've been sat there for over an hour. Don't you think it's time you came inside?" One of her father's stands wearily behind her, rubbing his forehead gently. Rachel obliges quietly, running her phone around her hands. She receives a kiss on her forehead as she mounts the stairs, taking a seat on her bed as she finally plucks up the courage to dial Shelby's number.

"Rachel? That you?"

"The one and only," a chuckle transpires into a soft sob even though Rachel's sure she's all cried out. Shelby asks about her fathers and Rachel tells her everything in painful details. Shelby asks about Jesse and regionals and it's like she's inside Rachel's head the way she understands everything. And before long, Rachel's yawning down the phone and Shelby whispers goodnight as Rachel falls asleep with her phone in her hand. She doesn't hear either father enter her room within the next hour, each one kissing her goodnight and tucking her hair behind her ear. They're more alike than they'd like to admit right now and as each one sits with their daughter in turn, they realise that no matter what happens, they love her. And it's not the answer to everything but for now, it's more than enough.

**-StB-**

"Rachel, may I have a word?" Rachel dares a glance at Quinn, who nods in reassurance. Rachel applies her mega-watt smile but it falls short in front of Mr Schue. Tina raises an eyebrow but is ushered out by Quinn, leaving only Rachel, Puck and Mr Schue.

"If it's alright with you Mr Schue, I'd like to stay." Puck gets that Jesse can't be here but that doesn't mean someone else can't make the effort. Will looks to Rachel who nods her approval and he draws up three chairs, indicating the two of them sit.

"Rachel, is there something you want to tell me?" Will's not quite sure what he expects Rachel to say but it's become crystal clear that something's going on. The others are starting to notice (mainly due to the lack of input on Rachel's behalf) but it's more than that for Will; her eyes don't shine, her smile is muted and just something about her has changed. Rachel flickers her eyes to Puck who places a reassuring hand on Rachel's knee.

"Not really," Rachel chuckles softly and Mr Schue raises a somewhat humorous eyebrow.

"Okay, let me rephrase that," he smiles, rubbing his hands together absently. "Is there something you _should_ be telling me?"

His smile quickly fades as Rachel's bottom lip begins to waver, her eyes darkening with fear and desperation. Puck breathes gingerly and Will's beginning to worry that something really bad is occurring here.

"Rachel, I'm really concerned; this isn't like you at all."

"Er, Mr Schue? The thing is – " Noah begins but Rachel cuts him off.

"It's okay, Noah." Rachel's face tumbles into a watery smile and though she's appreciative of Puck's efforts, she knows she's going to have to start taking responsibility for her life. "This is going to be a bit of a shock, Mr Schue and I'm sorry to be the one putting you through this, especially after all the trouble you went through with your wife."

Rachel inhales slowly and stands up, Puck gently dropping his hand from her knee. "I think these images will be more than conclusive enough for you, Mr Schue." And with that, she lifts the top she's wearing and watches Will's mouth drop as she drops the hem of her top. He exhales in a low whistle and massages the palm of his hand with his other thumb.

"And it's yours, Noah?" Puck quickly shakes his head and clears his throat.

"No, it's not mine Mr Schue, but I'm – "

"Noah's been a real gentleman," Rachel inputs and the earnest look on her face brings a touching smile to both men's faces. "But he's not the father."

She waits and Will leans a little forward, waiting to hear the name Finn fall from her lips. He looks into her eyes with a silent question of '_Well, who is?'_

"It's Jesse." The silence that follows this revelation isn't wholly uncomfortable but it's not that welcomed either.

"As in St. James?" Will has to clarify though he's already trying to remember where he put Shelby's number.

"He's _not_ a saint," Puck's quick to input but Rachel quicker to shoot him a warning glance; Mr Schue might well need to know about her pregnancy but he doesn't need to know about the conception, however worryingly it happened. Will picks up on the way Puck scoffs Jesse's participation but puts it down to (an odd form of) jealousy.

"Well, I'm glad you felt you could tell me, Rachel. But as you're probably already aware, I am going to have to tell other members of staff."

"I know, Mr Schue." Rachel can't hide her unease but she always knew this was going happen. He smiles sympathetically and gives her knee a tight squeeze of reassurance.

"Go on kids, get yourselves home." Will stands up and watches the two walk out, tidying the chairs away with a heavy heart; he's like nothing more than a wife and a child but it seems some things just aren't to be. Puck drives Rachel home though she protests she's more than able to walk, he tells her that since he's keeping her secret from Finn, the least she could do is accept his ride home. She doesn't like to listen when he tells her she's going to have to tell Finn soon but that's only because she knows Puck's telling the truth. This will be the second time one of Finn's girlfriend's has got pregnant and once again, the baby isn't his. Puck tells her Finn will be fine with it but given the fact the baby is Jesse's makes Rachel think otherwise. But there's nothing she can do about it now and so she thanks Puck for the ride and goes straight up to bed. Being Rachel Berry is tiring enough without the added aspect of pregnancy. Her fathers (both of them) come up and lie beside her on her bed, and though there is no verbal confirmation, it seems acceptance has finally been granted all around.

**-StB-**

Jesse's invited Rachel round for dinner because they still need to talk but Rachel insists they will, only after they've eaten. But it's not long before the conversation begins to centre around the baby and Rachel finds herself voicing her thoughts on adoption.

" .. we could find a stable, loving family, with a white picket fence and chandeliers in the living room and horses in the back yard," and as she loses herself in the image, she doesn't realise it's slowly eating away at him. She doesn't notice it and he can't understand it.

"Sounds great," Jesse replies abruptly, clearing the table to give himself any reason to not sit still. "You finished with that?"

He doesn't even wait for Rachel to reply and picks up the bowl, discarding the remains in the bin and slotting each item into the dishwasher. She watches on, deflated by his attitude because everything she does these days seems to upset one person or another.

"Jesse?" She sounds so young, so tentative when she talks and he momentarily stops to look at her, before setting about tidying something else that, quite frankly, doesn't need tidying. "How am I supposed to know what to do if you won't talk to me about this?"

"It sounds to me like you've already made your mind up, Rachel. There's nothing to talk about." Her face falls because if Jesse recalls correctly, it's not exactly her fault they're in this situation.

"It was just a suggestion," she says in return, her voice flat and timid. The vulnerability in her words rip at his ear drums and the hard exterior he's got going on begins to slip. She rubs her eyes quickly because she's worried little tears will start to fall if not and Jesse discovers he still has some heart as he motions around the table to pull the seated Rachel into a warm embrace. She hides her face against his stomach and he brushes her hair down the curve of her neck. She feels his laboured breathing against her cheek and it dawns on her that he's finding this just as hard as she is. And the worst thing is that Jesse has no one to talk to about this. Rachel's got her dads and Quinn and Shelby but Jesse's got no one and that's what scares her more than anything. Because without the baby, Jesse really has got nothing but she's not sure if that's enough of a reason to not give up the baby. Because he'll always be the boy who broke her heart and for once in her life, she's got to think of herself.

"You're right," Jesse admits some minutes later, a voice of reason finding its way into his mind. "We should talk."

And they do and it's not easy or pleasant but it's progress.

**-StB-**

"And _again_." Shelby cues the music, her head in her hands and a grimace on her face. The way she sees it is this: her star performer has got her only daughter pregnant and to say neither one is coping is an understatement. And to top it off, they've got to compete against each at regional's and half their respective teammates don't even know the half of the situation. So with all that buzzing around her head at ninety miles per hour, Shelby's less than impressed when her bunch of supposedly talented kids struggle to hold together a two and half minute routine. "Guys, guys, guys, this is poor. What could you possibly be thinking about other than regional's? Because there must be something going on in those tiny minds of yours for you all to keep _destroying_ my choreography."

Her protégés shuffle awkwardly on stage and Shelby sighs heavily, starting the music again and tying her hair off of her face in frustration. Jesse eyes her warily, which earns him a light thump on the shoulder because everyone else has started dancing but Jesse's staying still.

"She means you too, St. James. Move yourself." An exhausted blonde haired boy shoves him again and Jesse finally gets the hint. It's been a good three hours solid and Shelby's still not satisfied and even Jesse's starting to feel the rehearsal taking its toll.

"God, just stop, just stop." Shelby shakes her hands in some sort of muted hysteria and cuts the music altogether. She collects her stuff and shoots Jesse a stern glance, before making her way to the exit. "We are done here, rehearsal's over."

The stage empties with dragging feet and dramatic complaints but Jesse darts up to meet Shelby because he knows by now what Shelby wants with only one look. And it doesn't occur to him that it's odd or unusual because it's all he's ever known. And the way he sees it, he has more respect and admiration for Shelby than he'll ever hold for his own parents.

"This isn't working," she admits upon seeing Jesse, pen lodged between her teeth in thoughtful serenity. He looks at her blankly but she laughs; a sound so akin to Rachel it's odd. "Vocal Adrenaline, regional's. All of it."

It's not defeatist or despairing on Shelby's behalf, it's acceptance. And Jesse seems to understand that, on one level or another.

"I can't think straight, you know?" Jesse knows exactly. Each day he's plagued with thoughts of Rachel and the baby, his future and his parents. "It's too much," she finally confesses, using her hands to animate her speech in a way that is so Rachel Berry. But then, Jesse muses, it's actually so Shelby Corcoran, given that she's Rachel mother. And that's why it's hard, because the lines between friends and lovers, teachers and mothers are all starting to blur and Jesse's not sure on which side he stands.

And then Jesse does something unexpected; he pulls Shelby into his arms and just hugs her because right now, his words are meaningless to them both and sometimes a hug is just easier. And this is why she's pushed him from the start, supported this one boy more than any others, because he still has the ability to surprise her even after all this time.

"Enough of the momma-loving," Shelby laughs, removing herself from Jesse's embrace with a gin which Jesse instantly reciprocates. He opens his mouth to speak but she quickly clamps her hand over his mouth, an eyebrow rising more by the minute. "Don't even try and add in the 'grand' St. James."

She feels Jesse smirk beneath her hand and finally lets go of his mouth, playfully tapping his cheek before running her eyes up and down his appearance. He's always thought of her as family and now, whether she likes or not, she is. And even if they don't keep the baby, Jesse knows that no matter what, the three of them will all have shared something special and for that, he's glad.

"How's Rachel?" Jesse carries Shelby's bags to her car, ignoring the taunts from the last members of Vocal Adrenaline awaiting their rides home. He'll always be her favourite and there's nothing anyone can do about it (not even Jesse; he's tried.)

"You haven't heard from her?" Shelby's a little shocked but she hides it well. The look on Jesse's face confirms her answer and her features soften as she takes the last lot of baggage from his arms.

"We talked," Jesse shrugs, "But that was –"

He trails off because in between singing and dancing and eating and sleeping and thinking, he can't quite place what happened when.

"Well, she's good," Shelby informs him, a warming smile lighting up her eyes. "But you know, you could just pop round and ask _her_, rather than going to her mother."

Her smile shifts into a smirk and he can't deny she has a point. A well furnished point that is painstakingly obviously but as the days pass by, Jesse finds himself wanting to spend less and less time around Rachel, because every time he does he becomes more aware of the fact that they're going to have to make a decision sooner or later.


End file.
